Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
