college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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