Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
