Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
