hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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