I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were trust falling into bushes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
