He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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