we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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