the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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