It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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