he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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