Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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