the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
