Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
