My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
