the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
