I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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