She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
