You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
