Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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