a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
