I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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