I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
