so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
