We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
