what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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