He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
