I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
