i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
