when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
