Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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