he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
