well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
