So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
