she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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