I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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