I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How external is "for external use only"?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
