Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
