took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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