Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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