Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
