Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
