Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
