i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
