I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
