just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
