im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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