i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
