I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're chasing vodka with high fives
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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