it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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